OTD's BSSM Weekly - I am needy

Week 7, Semester 2 in the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry

Yes. Yes. I know. This is Week 7. I do believe that by that special grace of God, I’ll catch up on week 8 and be able to catch my rhythm again. Enjoy this one.

Too often, we do transparency. Not intimacy.

This is my takeaway quote from this class. Intimacy is a topic I could never get tired of talking about. The ability to build intimacy provides a foundation for solving many life challenges with ease. To be able to build intimacy, you must have come to a place of confidence in your identity and the ability to let others be themselves. Authenticity will be something you treasure. You will be well aware of your needs and your boundaries.

Jason made us repeat this - ”I am needy”. This generally has a negative connotation. However, you do have needs. I have needs and I am daily learning to embrace them and ask for them to be met. For one, I need attention. I love it. I enjoy giving it and receiving it. For a long time, I didn’t think it made sense to ask for attention or quality time. But that was just insecurities and fear speaking. Now, I ask. If the answer is no, I can respect the person’s decision and move on to someone else who I know can also fulfil that need legitimately. However, if I don’t properly articulate my need for attention and seek to have it met, there is a greater potential that I will subconsciously search for it somewhere else. (cue in missing men that I have no business missing)

Let me share an example Jason gave using my best guy, David.

What was going on with David when he saw Bathsheba and took her to bed? What were his needs at that point?

We were told that it was a time when Kings went to war. David stayed back. However, the sin with Bathseba went beyond just being at the wrong place and time. David’s needs at the moment was a most likely adventure, a desire to conquer and a sense of belonging. He could have gotten those on the battlefield. Instead, he reacted to his immediate feelings and went into a spiral of sin.

Like David, many of us get our needs met the wrong way because we don’t correctly define what the need is. Many people also don’t want to feel like they have needs. However, it is difficult to live life and do relationships well if you have no needs and have no boundaries.

Jason Vallotton is really amazing with how he teaches Emotional Prosperity and as I listened, I kept wishing I could just share the class with my people. I went hunting and I found a similar message he taught a few years back. The differences are minimal and the message is powerful.

I’ll post the link after these notes I snagged from the class.

1. Anytime you are tempted to violate your conscience, you typically have a need to be met. If you react to the initial temptation without questioning what the need is, you may keep punishing yourself or keep falling for the same temptations.

2. If you grew up in a home where your needs were welcome and nourished, you’ll realize that needs are healthy places of fulfilment. If you grew up in a home where needs were ignored or shamed, you’ll learn to deny them, validate your denial or have them met in illegitimate ways.

3. The way that you see the world,  interact with people, the way that you do relationships was shaped probably before you could remember things. You become what you think the most important person in your life thinks of you. The talks and reactions of those who raised you have had the most influence on how you act.

4. You don’t outgrow your past. You walk through it, you reconcile, you heal, you confront it. You can’t fix anything that you don’t acknowledge and take responsibility for whether you caused it or not.

5. It is important to ask yourself how you were taught to take care of yourself. Do you take care of yourself?

6. Your body, soul, and spirit have needs. Your body has hygiene needs, food needs, health needs, sexual needs, etc. Your soul needs attention, positive self-talk, rest, etc. Your Spirit needs a connection to the Holy Spirit, rest, time with God, etc. Without the awareness of your needs and taking responsibility for them in every season of your life, you will fall into cycles of destructive habits. We need to be aware of our needs and the things that trigger our body, soul or spirit’s demand for that need.

7. If your inflow of personal care doesn’t match or exceed your outflow, you are treading dangerous grounds.

8. Too often, we misunderstand the need that we have or misdiagnose it. A good example is someone struggling with pornography or any other addiction. One of the root causes of pornographic addiction is a need for intimacy. However, if it is always seen as a challenge of bodily desires or a call to pray more, the problem may persist and keep showing up in different ways. If you are aware of your need for intimacy, you can begin to redirect your thoughts and mind towards the true source of intimacy.

9. It is important to be self-aware of why you act the way you do. It helps you to ask the question - “What is going on in me”, “Why do I feel funny”, “Why do I feel happy?”,  “What thought just went through my mind and changed my mood?”

   If you can catch what is going on before it spirals, you can trace what the need is and work to fulfil it the legitimate way.

10. A family generational curse is an agreement with a wrong belief system. You can change your belief system and that will, in turn, affect how you act and respond to life and people.

This subject is robust and deeply connected to how we build a relationship with God as well. It is deeply rooted in how you see yourself and what you know your identity to be. If you are not aware that you are the child of a king and valuable, you will take anything that is handed to you. This is the type of topic I would rather discuss verbally than in writing.

However, this will do for now. In addition, do see the link to the message I mentioned earlier.

https://blog.krisvallotton.com/jason-vallotton-emotional-prosperity

You have needs. It is okay to ask for them to be met. Don’t float through life or just take what you are handed.

I am valuable and my value needs proper maintenance. Amen? Amen.

For news on my tuition, please see last week’s update here.

Love and love,

OTDamilola,

For King and Kingdom