This is a man’s world! Haha! This past week brought some gbas gbos! I was screaming as some dots connected in my brain.
This is the season of fathers and mothers. God is calling out to fathers for sons and daughters. Specifically, He is also calling out to His sons. I wrote that prophetic poetry in June 2020 and it is still viable today; maybe more. This week, I had the joy of listening to two men I respect on the matter speak on the subject of men and fathers. Enjoy today’s read.
My Papa said, “the men that keep shouting that this is a man’s world are actually boys. For you to become a man, you must be conformed to the image of Christ. To be that man conformed to the image of Christ, you must be consistent in obedience to Him.”
“Men don’t need mentors. They need a father. They need a father figure who can affirm them and create the culture of heaven in them.”
There is no need to take my extract for it. Check out this interview by Victoria Orenze with Pastor Emmanuel Dania. Share it as much as you can too.
I went from this interview to take a class in school titled - Roles of men in society by Kris Vallotton. I won’t be sharing all I grabbed from the class because it was a lot. But I do want you to pay attention to what I will share below. Pay attention to this alongside the video from Papa Dania above.
The effects of a fatherless culture/Why we (you) need a father who models Christ
Fathers are the givers of identity and give children answers to questions about their lives and purpose. They provide protection and create a sense of safety and confidence to take on challenges. With fatherlessness has come a generation that has lost its identity and is searching for it in all the wrong places.
Fathers provide a sense of discipline and how to deal with authority figures. We live in a culture that abhors authority, accountability and persevering through the process.
Men invite boys into manhood through a rite of passage. This is how they enter into an awareness of themselves and who they are. Without a fathering culture, they remain a boy in the body of a man. In a fatherless generation, boys grow old but don’t grow up.
Fatherlessness has caused a delay in getting married or a complete rejection of marriages as men haven’t had confidence and provision modelled for them by fathers or father figures. They give an excuse that they can’t find the women, which may be true from their perspective as they were never taught what to look for or how to confidently go for it. They fear rejection and have not been taught how to handle it or to keep pursuing what they desire when necessary. Fathers also teach how to recognize when to let something be and when to keep going after it.
In a fatherless culture, men relate to women as sisters and mothers but not as wives and lovers because they have never observed how a husband relates to a wife. Consequently, they don’t pursue lovers, they pursue mothers, someone who’ll care for them, not someone they can provide for, protect, and promote. (This one hit me right there, in my heart.)
In the absence of fathers, authenticity is defined as being true to your feelings instead of true to your purpose. Women are naturally more intuitive and we have raised a generation in a feminized culture. Now men are taught to place more emphasis on their feelings and not their purpose. If a man feels like a woman, he is told to acknowledge that as who he is. Feelings are valid but have become elevated to a position far above their useful rank. Same-sex relationships are becoming a norm as our focus has been on what we feel, not what our purpose is.
In a fatherless culture, women take on masculine attributes by force or default and not by choice, as they want their children to grow up with stability, identity, and a sense of purpose.
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We’ve gone a long way from what families should look like. Divorce and dysfunctional families have almost become the norm. Initially, I used to think I just needed to meet a new network of people. But happy and rightly functioning families are truly few and far between. We need to change that.
I have a huge desire in my heart to see men rise as fathers and sons. A distorted model of fatherhood has gotten us where we are. We need God’s models to rise and take their place.
The first mandate that God gave to mankind came in the context of family. I believe that this is why the war against families has grown more intense as the years roll by. It is important to go to God for the blueprint again and run with it fearlessly. We’ve been talking about Kingdom Marriages a lot in the past two years. We have to understand that it is beyond our personal desires and pleasure. It is also for the fulfilment of God’s mandate on earth.
If you were convicted as a man while reading this, I’d like you to take immediate action towards correcting whatever was highlighted to you. If you need to find a father who models Christ, I am praying with you that you are led to the one who will be perfect for you. If you need to identify what areas you need help with, I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you clarity and steps toward becoming a different person.
On the flip side, I also spent time considering how this affects us as women. Too many of us grew up not knowing how a wife should be treated or how she should treat her husband. Misplaced identity has become what leads us as a society. With bad precedence comes wrong belief systems that need to be broken. We must be ready to unlearn our past experiences and learn what God’s heart is for families, for men, and for women.
On a lighter note, the question that I am in the process of answering is, what happens in between our current reality and what is ideal? Let me explain. KV made a joke (not really a joke) that he did advise the women to ask the men out because if they didn’t in light of the current reality, they would remain single for life! Jokes.
But I do believe in men rising to their God identity, full of clarity, and walking in boldness. You will know the Father’s heart and chase His desires with abandon.
I’d say that we must continue to encourage both of our genders to open up to the love of God and embrace His Fathering wholeheartedly. There are many questions and situational dilemmas that would become unnecessary when we are confident in our identity as God’s children.
In a related matter, I had an amazing and interesting day on Sunday, February 13 and marriage was a big topic of conversation. The final prayer was that love will find me this week!! Somebody shout a loud ‘AMEN’!
Love and love,
OTDamilola,
For King and Kingdom
OTD's BSSM Weekly: Fathers, Arise